Summer associate success- the basics

In the spirit of passing along some of the wisdom that I, and others, have gleaned over our summer associateships, here's a brief list of what you can and can't do, when looking for an offer at Biglaw.

Things you can do and still get an offer

• Make many, many sexually inappropriate comments in front of, and about, partners
• hook up with a lawyer's girlfriend
• hook up with a lawyer
• hook up with a paralegal, in the office, on your desk
• get so drunk that you have to get taken home
• access confidential personnel files "accidentally"
• Jump into the Hudson river in your underwear (last summer's all-star story)
  

Things not to do if you want an offer:

• Start ranting about "the Jews", then, when asked to leave, tell the lawyer "I have a knife in my pocket, and a gun in my car, which will it be?" (Paul Hastings LA)
  
• Go down to New Orleans to help out Habitat for Humanity as a pro bono project, then get completely trashed, get arrested, and have your firm bail you out of jail. (Proskauer Rose [NY?])

That's really about it. Getting an offer is really that simple. Hey, if I can do it, anyone can!