I have what you need

Starting a summer at a big law firm is scary. Unless you know a bunch of lawyers, or have worked at a firm in some capacity before (neither of which apply to me), you just don't know what to expect. So I'll tell you, cause I'm cool like that.

The first day will be orientation, which will last for another couple days. This is when you get to meet the other summer associates, or at least those who are starting that day. First impressions matter a lot, so don't be a dumbass. Continual nervous laughter is annoying but understandable. Talking about your raunchy fraternity days is not. Take a good look around, because you will be hooking up with at least one of these people this summer. I got mine out of the way early (thursday). I figured I didn't want that pressure hanging over my head for next 12 weeks. So far it's not too weird, but I'll let you know. Make sure to also pick out the smart nice one to whom you can ask questions the rest of the summer. I've already got mine on speed dial (she's on law review) (and this is the first time I've ever used 'whom' in my life. Damn firm).

At orientation you're going to learn how to use the firm's computer systems, how to deal with your secretary, and all that jazz. No one remembers it after, don't stress it. Just lay back and dream of all the nice things you're going to buy with the ridiculous money they're paying you. I'm thinking a deluxe jukebox that plays only 2pac. Thoughts?

The other big hurdle of the first day is the lunch with the associates. This is their first chance to check out the new meat, and trust me, they're looking. So look hot. Even after they discover my legal skills are lacking, and they made a huge mistake in hiring me, at least they'll say "damn that guy looks good. Maybe we should keep him around to deal with clients." This is my only hope.

So take this unsolicited advice and use it well. The lawyers keep telling me to enjoy this summer, the two hour lunches, the firm sponsored drinking events, the comforting coddling, because this is our last taste of freedom before we sign away the rest of our lives. That's probably the best advice of all.

I’m back baby! I’m back!

I was gone for a minute but now I'm home,
I was gone for a minute...

Hey y'all, I'm back, refreshed, and ready to blog my little heart out! Lets just say that finals didn’t go as well as I might have hoped, good thing no one fails in law school. I took a little vacation to clear my head, and after the doctors assured me over and over that I couldn’t die from angst, and to please get the heck out of the hospital so they could treat real patients, I started the biglaw summer associate job on Monday. How’s it been so far? Incredible. I’m gonna be a blog maniac this summer, it’s not like I’m working hard or anything, so keep YALB at #1 on your favorites list if it’s not already, put up flyers around town, take out advertising time on your local cable access channel, cause it’s gonna be a wild ride my friends.

DOD spying on law schools=ridiculous

Recently released department of defense documents have confirmed media reports that goverment agencies have been monitoring law schools in the name of investigating "terrorist threats". Who are these lawschool terrorists? Students who were protesting JAG recruiting on campus. (if you haven't heard about the protests- meaning you're probably not a law student- universities have to allow military recruiters on campus or lose federal funding. The problem is that law schools usually have strict anti-discrimination policies for on campus employers, and the military doesn't hire LGBT people. You can read more about it here.)

I'm really glad that our government is putting its resources to such good use. I can definitely see how people protesting for equal rights are a significant terrorist threat. Give me a break Rumsfeld, and get the fuck outta my school.

I wonder if VH1 is hiring

The Bitter Law Student was wondering if it was better to be knowledgeable about the law or pop culture. Is this even a debate? Would you rather talk about the rule against perpetuities or Ja Rule? The first amendment or 50 First dates? Ruth Bader-Ginsburg or Dr. Ruth? Brown v. Board of Ed. or Bobby Brown? Co-conspirator statements or the Bourne Conspiracy? I could go on forever if I didn't have to learn an entire semester in the next 2 days. Law school sucks.