Thursday, August 24, 2006

Blog troubles

I can't seem to access any blogger pages. Is this just my internet connection or is blogger itself down? I'm back at home, so I'm not sure where the problems are coming from. In fact, I don't even know if anyone will be able to see this. If you can, let me know, and I guess I'll just post blindly....

I plan on doing a summer wrap up, and also some advice for kids doing OCI, so keep tuned!

Thursday, August 10, 2006

Sacrifice Fly

Just call me the "Teflon John". After the last hookup I once again received no reprimand. Of course, we'll find the real truth when offers are handed out (or not) next week, but I'm feelin pretty good.

So all of this summer sluttin got me to thinking. How can I turn this into a competition? The only thing better than hookin up with hot girls you work with is being able to quantify it somehow, and then rubbing it in your buddies' faces. So with this in mind, I present to you the real game of summer- Sacrifice Fly!!

Sacrifice Fly plays like baseball, both in basic rules, and that the goal is to score more than the other team. Here's how it works. Summer hookups (with any member of your firm, summer class, or support staff) will lead to "hits". Once you've accumulated enough hits to move around the diamond, you get a run. Your team can have as many "at bats" as it wants, every hookup counts. Hookups (which can be defined however you want, but I'd suggest makeouts, as it will lead to higher scores, and probably more risk taking, which is more fun for all) are scored thusly:

Single- hookup with support staff
Double- hookup with fellow summer associate
Triple- hookup with associate
Home Run- hookup with partner

Hits advance every player on base the same number of bases, and there are no extra bases (so a double will advance a player on first base to third). There are phantom runners that take the place of the players, so that if one person hits four singles in a row before anyone else gets a hit, that would count as one run. Innings will last a month each, so there will be four in total- May, June, July August. Let's take a look at a sample inning of Sacrifice Fly so that you all get how it works.
  • Player #1 hits a single, Player # 2 hits a double, Player # 3 hits a double, Player #4 hits a home run, Player #5 hits a single, inning ends (midnight May 31). How many runs? (this is like an LSAT question!).
  • #1 puts a player on first, #2 advances #1 to third base, and #2 to second, #3 drives home #1 and #2, and is now on second. #4 drives home himself and #3. #5 is left on base. So that's 4 runs total. You follow? If not then you don't deserve to hook up with anyone anyway you dumbass, so just quit now.
Setting up the teams can be as much fun as playing. After hyping up your friends, and having them read this entertaining and concise description, it's time to gather everyone together. Alcohol should be present, in copious quantities. First, you need to decide on team size- it should be somewhere between 5-10 people, depending on interest and skillz. Coed is acceptable, and encouraged. Captains will be chosen by drawing names out of a hat, and then once you have captains for each team they can start picking players, in order that their names were selected. Just like the elementary school playground. Captains will want to pick up players that will be able to score a lot, and are also willing to sacrifice for the team. Strategy is key here. Do you take the girls, cause it's easier for them to score, or do you stay away because you know they don't want to get that rep? Do you take the smooth guy, or the guy who you know will take some random hookup at the end of the month so he doesn't leave runners on base? Are your friends working 12 weeks, or 10? It's like picking your fantasy football team, but you get to play too! And who wants to get picked last in this game? That's worse than any playground cruelty the dodgeball kids could dole out.

Sacrifice Fly. Play on my friends, play on.

Sunday, August 06, 2006

I am a God

So I've gone and done it. I've completed the holy trifecta- last night I hooked up with an attorney from my firm. At a firm event. With witnesses. And perhaps photographic evidence.

Combined with my paralegal makeout session at the office, and my ill-advised tryst with another summer, I'm now a legend, at least in my own mind. Am I worried about any possible backlash on Monday? Maybe a little. But I figure that it looks a lot worse for her, I mean, she was taking advantage of a poor, helpless summer associate!! At least I have the threat of a sexual harassment suit to hang over their heads as offer leverage.

Lord knows I don't have anything else.

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Pucker up

At my firm, after your summer, you don't just get a general offer to come back, you get an offer to a specific practice group. So for example, you could be asked to join the public finance group, or the white collar crime group, or the labor group, etc. Coming into the summer I expected it to be like a choice of death- would you like the knife or the gun- but it turns out that there actually is one group I really like, and could see myself working with. Unfortunately, this group happens to be the most popular one, and for good reason, so I'm up against some of the other summers for the limited number of spots available. It's been interesting to watch the dynamic play out, as you start to see a LOT of asskissing going on. There's all this maneuvering for who goes to lunch with what attorney, and who gets an assignment from who. I've been trying to stay out of that as much as I can, and just do a lot of good work, but I'm getting the feeling that I'm going to have to play the game to get a spot, and I only have a couple of weeks left. I gave up what little soul I had when I went to law school and then worked for a law firm, but there's some spark, some gleam of moral fiber left deep within me that says I should rise above, be myself, avoid the schmoozing, and take the beating like a man when they stick me in products liability.

Good thing it's just a gleam. Can I pick up your drycleaning sir?