Thursday, March 30, 2006

US News Rankings

So the word around campus was that our school had moved up a spot in the new US News rankings. So I checked out good ol' xoxo, because if there's one thing that shitbag site is good at, it's rankings. Turns out it's true. Yay for us.
People care so much about these damn rankings. And the sad thing is they matter. Firms care, therefore we care. It's stupid but inevitable. Do I think I'm better than someone that goes to a lower ranked school than me? Well yeah, but that's cause I'm a freakin genius. I think my real point is that there is no way I'd hire myself over someone who was a hard worker, but went to a "lower" school. Lucky I've got my looks to fall back on.

Monday, March 27, 2006

Disorder in the court

As I'm too beat, and lazy, to write a real post, here are some great excerpts from "Disorder in the Court", a book about all the crazy shit that goes on the courtroom.

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.

ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?

Thursday, March 23, 2006

Declarations against penal interest

Is it juvenile that I snicker every time a professor says "penal"? Or "seamen"? Or "duty"? Anyways, we were learning about "declarations against penal interest" in evidence the other day, which are exceptions to the hearsay rules, and it got me thinking about some of the declarations I've made against my own penal interest in the past. Here are a few.

  • "have you ever thought about getting that mustache waxed?"
  • "your sister is kinda cute"
  • "so remember when I told you the video camera was turned off..."
  • "herpes shmerpes"

And of course the best line of all time, "I would like to extend you an invitation to the pants party." Oh the penal pain.

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Points Whore

I collect Westlaw and Lexis points like a raging lunatic. Most people check their email first thing in the morning. Not me, I have more important things to do first. I log onto Lexis to play the true/false game for 25 points (and yes, I look up the answers), then hit up Westlaw to keycite a random case (so I get entered into the keycite sweepstakes, plus get 25 research points), then sign off to play Westlaw trivia for another ten points. And yes, I look up those answers too. There's a training session for bonus points? I'm there. Fill out some bingo card to win? You got it. Online tutorials? Done 'em all. You may mock me, but nothing beats that sense of satisfaction as I hit Lexis "Elite" status once again. In fact, I think I'm more proud of my prodigious points accumulation than anything else I've accomplished in law school. And that my friends is the depressing truth of a points whore.

*dammit, There's no Competition in Law School beat me to this post by two days. At least I'm not the only addict.

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Negative returns

Is there anything more depressing than coming back from spring break? You lug your overtanned ass back to class for the final stretch before exams and that sinking feeling takes hold. Only a month until exams. Still haven't opened the books. Still have 2 papers that are overdue. Professors start ramping up the reading because they're behind. Tension in the air as 1Ls begin to crack. The looming dread of being exposed as a fraud once the summer associateship sails.

And where the fuck is spring this year anyway? It's freezing. Everything sucks.

Saturday, March 11, 2006

Spring Break!

Ahh, the time that I should be finally opening my books, but instead I'm getting drunk. So basically nothing has changed except I'll be at the beach. See you all next week.

Thursday, March 09, 2006


Some people care a lot about moot court. These are usually the people who were debaters in high school/college, or on the mock trial team, or those weirdos who actually like law school. Personally, I find this very sad. I care about important things, like TV and drinking. If I ever really get into lawschool extracurriculars, kill me.

I was in a moot court competition last weekend. Unfortunately, as a stupid 1L I'd thought that having moot court on my resume would be a good thing, so I tried out and made it onto the team. This was a mistake. I seriously doubt that any firm cared about this, all it accomplished was wasting my time. Unsolicited advice to 1Ls- don't do it! Anyways, I'm at this competition, and the other teams really cared about winning. They were working hard, had judges as coaches, were going to bed nice and early. We drank until about 4am every day, and prayed for an early exit so we wouldn't have to get up early the next day. We won. I think some of them cried. Maybe the only thing sadder about really caring about this kind of stuff is losing to someone who thinks it's idiotic, and is so hungover he can barely stand.

What is the point of this story? A question. Who will do better in the real world? People who care about this stuff and work hard at it, or someone with natural oral skills like myself? Discuss.

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Laptop etiquette

Sometimes in class my laptop fan turns on. It's moderately loud, so I'll close the multiple windows (in which I'm writing emails, checking my sports fantasy teams, playing games- basically doing anything but paying attention) so that it turns off. This is a basic courtesy to the few who are actually there to learn.
To the person behind me in Evidence whose laptop continually sounds like a 747 taking off- people aren't turning around to stare at you because of your witty comments about hearsay. Either get a new fuckin laptop, bring a legal pad to class, or I'm gonna break that motherfucking thing over your big ignorant head.
Thank you.

Sunday, March 05, 2006

You know you love Law & Order too much when...

You're hurrying home to catch an episode, pick up a slice of pizza, notice a hair on it, figure you don't have time to get a new one, you'll just pick it off when you get home, rush home, watch the show, completely forget to take off that nasty hair, eat the pizza, realize what you've done ........and don't even care, because you didn't miss the show.

Thursday, March 02, 2006

Law library

So Elle over at Legally Blonde was complaining about people being loud in the computer lab. It made me think of this great craigslist post from last year. Yeah, yeah, it's old, but it's funny. And true. I only wandered into the law library once during finals, and vowed never to return. It was even scarier than that time a shark attacked me.

Wednesday, March 01, 2006


So I still haven't started this paper that was due last semester. I did get an extension until January, but that was a couple of months ago. I've dropped a few emails to the prof, along with a voicemail, but I haven't heard back from her in over a month. My question is: What are my responsibilities now? I've made a good faith effort to meet with the professor, with no response, so is the paper now due whenever I feel like handing it in? Do I have to keep trying to contact her? What's the protocol?

Side question: will I ever hand it in unless I get another deadline?
Answer: unlikely

Double side question: Is this indicative of my future complete failure at a firm?
Answer: very likely